Tag: self-awareness

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How to Fix Your Horse Problems

If he won’t get in the trailer, it might be because he’s worried about the shaky footing, or because he hated the last trailer ride he went on, or because he’s ignoring you, or because his friends are back in the paddock, or because you’re not being firm enough, or because you never taught him to mind you in the first place, or because you just don’t have what it takes. 

            If he wiggles while you saddle him, it might be because he’s uncomfortable with the cinch, or because there’s a sticker in the saddle blanket, or because he’s distracted by the dogs over there, or because he’s bored, or because his back hurts, or because he doesn’t respect you, or because you just can’t get there with him. 

            If he won’t pick up the canter, it might be because he’s out of balance in his hind end, or because he’s too heavy on his front end, or because he’s lazy, or because you haven’t got his attention, or because you’re out of position, or because your legs say go but your seat says stay, or because you really don’t belong here.

            You can fix it by doing more by doing less, or by being his leader while being his friend, or by moving faster without rushing, or by moving slower without dawdling, or by driving him into a stop, or by working him harder without drilling him, or by finding and filling in all the secret holes in your character.

            And you can fix it by being sure, being flexible, being confident, being relaxed, being fair, being firm, being brave, being humble, being bigger than you are, being smaller than you are, being what you always wanted to be and never were.

            Just don’t be emotional, don’t be cold, don’t wait too long, don’t come in too soon, don’t chicken out, don’t push too hard, don’t nag at him, don’t coddle him, don’t think too much, don’t forget, don’t rush him, don’t get sucked into the existential chasm in the corner. 

You’ll know you’ve got it when he’s content and willing and snappy and relaxed and bright and forward and balanced. 

You’ll know it’s good when you’re in harmony, in synch, partners in a dance. 

His legs will be as your legs, your bodies will move as one. 

And the nights will pass quicker and the shadows in the corners will grow quiet.

You’ll know.

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From eddy to mainstream and back again

I’m not sure I want the year of quarantine to end. For 16 months, I’ve felt almost normal. No FOMO or kicking myself for not “participating.” The bars and conferences and receptions and art festivals were dark. No pressure to act like a regular person and just go to the damn thing and wear a smile and desperately try to understand what everyone else is enjoying. No energy spent on creative excuse design. No wondering what planet I’m from.

Instead, I was like an elder stateswoman at home in her element. A lifetime of experience made me a pro at staying home, hanging out with a small number of loved ones and the animals. For the first time I can remember, I felt the satisfaction of being in the mainstream, doing what everyone else was doing.

Good riddance to the illness and premature deaths! Well-deserved rest to the front line responders! Goodbye to the stifling masks and smelly hand sanitizer! But can we all just be a little homier now? Can I stay near the edge of the mainstream instead of eddying back out to the weirdo fringe?

Ah well, probably not. Back to the edges I go. But at least I learned something valuable — I didn’t miss the bars or conferences or receptions or art festivals one bit. I can throw FOMO out with my used masks. To each their own and I’m just a bit clearer on what my own is.