Month: August 2021

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How to Fix Your Horse Problems

If he won’t get in the trailer, it might be because he’s worried about the shaky footing, or because he hated the last trailer ride he went on, or because he’s ignoring you, or because his friends are back in the paddock, or because you’re not being firm enough, or because you never taught him to mind you in the first place, or because you just don’t have what it takes. 

            If he wiggles while you saddle him, it might be because he’s uncomfortable with the cinch, or because there’s a sticker in the saddle blanket, or because he’s distracted by the dogs over there, or because he’s bored, or because his back hurts, or because he doesn’t respect you, or because you just can’t get there with him. 

            If he won’t pick up the canter, it might be because he’s out of balance in his hind end, or because he’s too heavy on his front end, or because he’s lazy, or because you haven’t got his attention, or because you’re out of position, or because your legs say go but your seat says stay, or because you really don’t belong here.

            You can fix it by doing more by doing less, or by being his leader while being his friend, or by moving faster without rushing, or by moving slower without dawdling, or by driving him into a stop, or by working him harder without drilling him, or by finding and filling in all the secret holes in your character.

            And you can fix it by being sure, being flexible, being confident, being relaxed, being fair, being firm, being brave, being humble, being bigger than you are, being smaller than you are, being what you always wanted to be and never were.

            Just don’t be emotional, don’t be cold, don’t wait too long, don’t come in too soon, don’t chicken out, don’t push too hard, don’t nag at him, don’t coddle him, don’t think too much, don’t forget, don’t rush him, don’t get sucked into the existential chasm in the corner. 

You’ll know you’ve got it when he’s content and willing and snappy and relaxed and bright and forward and balanced. 

You’ll know it’s good when you’re in harmony, in synch, partners in a dance. 

His legs will be as your legs, your bodies will move as one. 

And the nights will pass quicker and the shadows in the corners will grow quiet.

You’ll know.

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My Manifesto (or, It’s Not You, It’s Me)

No longer will I wear the disguise! No longer will I pretend to be cool or impervious or like everyone else! No longer will I call myself vile names for being weak in body or mind! No longer!

Instead, I will embroider a flag and wave it high. My flag will say:

  • I’m acrophobic and I won’t follow you up that climb with the sheer drop-offs on one or both sides.
  • I wither in the heat and I won’t be joining you for afternoon anything in high summer. In fact, I tend toward Seasonal Affective Disorder in the summer months anyway, so you might as well just leave me out of it.
  • I could drink the beer, wine, or cocktail you offer, but I would probably get a splitting headache shortly thereafter, not sleep well, and feel like crap tomorrow and I want to do things tomorrow. So, sorry but no.
  • I don’t know if I have social anxiety or I’m an introvert or I’m shy or what, but I cannot carry on small talk for very long, especially in crowded or noisy places. It’s not about you, but I’ll be out of there thank you very much.
  • At the end of a long day — or pretty much any day — I need to shut down all the stimulus. I need to be not talked to, not observed, not teased. Just for a while, or maybe for a long time. It’s not you, really, it’s me.
  • I go to bed early. That’s all.
  • I can’t sit in a chair very long. It cramps my body and makes me squirm inside and out. So I might lie on the floor or walk around while we talk. If I can’t do those things, I might leave soon. Same if it’s too hot or stuffy or cluttered. Not because of you, because of me.
  • I don’t enjoy music festivals. Or parties. Or large group dinners. Or receptions. Or airplane seatmates who talk. I just don’t.
  • When I get uncomfortable (from any of the above or anything else), it overtakes me hard and fast and I need to make a change. Quick. It could seem rude, but it’s not you, it’s me.
  • If I seem like a pain in the ass, imagine being me.

*Nothing in this manifesto should be construed to contradict that I love a good laugh, I love my friends deeply and forever, I am mostly brave and strong and often playful, I am multi-faceted, and I do my best. For further reading, consult hsp.com and Meyers Briggs and the Cambridge dictionary.

I’m going to need a big flag.